SMFD3: story telling

This morning I went to get my blood drawn for a standard blood test I do with my annual physical every 3 years. No big deal but it meant fasting until I got it done, which seemed weirdly appropriate for Ash Wednesday.

The first impulse to post happened as I was waiting for the bus and I saw one of the the people doing the "ashes on the go" in full priest robes walk over to the Jewel with his plate of ashes in one hand and his travel mug in the other. I wanted to post about it so badly, instead I made a note in my phone and here it is in this blog. But anyway that was the first of many impulses of the day.

I rode the bus out to my appointment and listened to a podcast while people watching, I checked into my appointment. I could feel the nerves rising. In the blood draw room they had all these inspiration quotes on the walls for places to look while getting blood drawn. I told the nurse that was a great move as you can pick a quote and just stare at it really hard while the needle goes in. She said that a lot of people like the quotes and take pictures of them.

This struck something interesting in me as she was saying this when I was actively trying not to take pictures of things and put them on the internet. I think there are times where we want to share what's going on in the day to day world immediately to whoever will see it but there is also value in connecting with the people who are here or saving the story to tell someone in person later. I think that it all comes from an impulse to tell a story.

I suppose part of the social media fast is to learn how to not tell all the stories all the time in a way that isn't particularly curated. There are stories about the day that get reported to friends, there are stories that get tucked away for future conversations, there are stories that are meant to be just an inside joke between you and the universe. All of that is ok.

As I said I had a lot of impulses to check social media today and those were impulses to check not necessarily to say anything to the wide internet. I found myself wanting to disconnect from intense feelings and then staring at the login screen again. I would then take a step back and do something physical.

So perhaps this impulse is not only to share a story but an impulse to do something that expends and expresses energy. Perhaps the impulse is to just scroll and be distracted and not necessarily absorb anything fully but to just sort of be numb and moving my fingers. Silly iPad video games do that pretty well without the added cloud of interpersonal politics.

Anyway, it's difficult but it's fascinating and I am glad I'm giving myself a chance to process and really spend time with this detachment. Onward.