SMD : Day 6

Had a nice, chill Saturday today. I spent the morning/ early afternoon catching up on some music work. I spent a little time cleaning up my office space. I finished up a crocheting project for friends and I had time to chill and read and play dumb iPad games.

The iPad games are becoming the replacement compulsive activity but I think they are active enough and have enough of a process to them that it's easier to stop than the bottomless scrolling of social media. I am a bit frustrated by how fast that became a replacement habit and I want to keep an eye on such things.

A memory keeps coming back to me from time to time but especially today. I remember when I was probably 8 or 10 my go to thing to do was to curl up in the space underneath the desk in my bedroom and read like it was my fort. I would sit in my curled up position with my headphones blasting whatever musical I was obsessed with at the time reading my book and drowning out the world. I don't remember what I was drowning out exactly but I remember that being my sanctuary.

I remember when I first recognized the "book high", that moment you have when you've been reading for a half hour or more and you put the book down and feel a residual feeling of being in that zone. I loved the feeling of being in that zone. I still do and I want to bring opportunities for the zone back into my life.

I think that the work I've been doing has its own version of "the book high". Creating and performing have their own zone and there is a zone specific to making new work and zone specific to revisiting familiar work and going down all the familiar pathways, lines, scenes, and songs. Perhaps my fondness for that initial feeling of being in "the book zone" stems from knowing that those were the first inklings of being in flow and that was such an important thing or my little perfectionistic self. I wanted that escape.

Perhaps what I've experienced with social media is that I looked to it to solve my impulse for that feeling of escape but instead it just made me feel overwhelmed and now I am taking the time to revisit what gives me that sense of grounding and connection.

So it's day 6. I'm doing alright. I am a little anxious about not being on social media. Part of me wants to stop this fast and also I know I want to see it thru. It's already taught me so much.