The Metaphorical Restaurants Along The Way

(bathroom graffiti spotted earlier this week) 

So when my mom was going thru her first round of treatment for Multiple Myeloma 11 or so years ago, she had a friend who was giving her rides to appointments and such. She said of this friend "she's a woman who's been to hell and back a few times already and knows all the good restaurants." I've always been drawn to this phrase. Much like my mom, I enjoy finding the bright side of things and bringing humor to situations. Even though my optimistic view of the world has been tested and tossed and all the other things that happen to optimistic world views post college, I have remained fairly positive.

This week has been one of those emotional roller coaster weeks. The big thing was Thursday. I had Thursday off and got sucked into all of the things that were happening politically- the AHCA stuff and the Religious freedom stuff and just the usual daily reminder of all the political dumpster fires that are happening. This hit my deep well of grief feelings. When I want to yell about the insanity of the world I get hit with the sad truth that my mom isn't here to yell with. I mean on a spiritual level, I can yell and write rants and call senators in remembrance of her and say that "her spirit is now that resonate fire of passion" or whatever, but it doesn't change the fact that she's not here. So after participating in much Facebook tirades I went back to implementing a reduction of my Facebook usage for purposes of self care.

So I'm sitting in the place of trying to be positive but also realistic. I am grateful for all the opportunities that I have. I am also acknowledging that life is weird and hard. Not to mention that life can be more weird and more hard for so many other people.  I am lucky that I have the privileges I do and I will fully admit it.  I want to do what I can to help and I keep thinking of one of the poems of Rachel Corrie which ends with the line "I can't save the planet single handedly. I can wash dishes." It's important to feel all the feelings and be informed about what's going on. It's also important to look for small things that can be done that ground me back in the moment.

 My mom's gone. There's some unacceptable messed up stuff that's happening in the world. It's hard for me to hold these realities at the same time. I've gotten thru the surface layer shock phase and brewing with anger and acceptance for both situations.  I think it's important to monitor how I take in the news and monitor my emotional responses to everything. Mainly I've started to make sure I'm in a place to hold everyone else's emotions about the world when I log into Facebook.  If I log in already feeling overwhelmed I know it doesn't help me to get stuck scrolling until I'm numb.

So I remain hopeful but not in denial. I acknowledge the fact that this is one of those moments in life that feels like a hopefully brief road trip to hell. Luckily, there are a lot of fine restaurants along the way.