Flying and Floating

So this week I on a whim found myself on dailyOM.com looking at courses. I ended up signing up for the 21 day online course. You are a Badass at Habits. Basically everyday there is a short video lecture and a worksheet and it helps you work on building new habits. I decided to sign up for this course because I have been working on toning down my Facebook addiction. I wanted to basically get to a point where I make a conscious choice to check Facebook for a maximum of 30 minutes a day. That way I am making sure I spend time with the people in my phone rather than typing "f" into my browser  and getting stuck on Facebook for 20 minutes before I know what's happened. 

The first lesson of this course talks about picking apart what causes our habits. "Our Beliefs form our actions form our habits." Jen Sincero points out that the best way to work thru a habit is to pick apart the beliefs that form that habit. What I realized is that first of all, the compulsive Facebooking is procrastination at it's best and it always kicks in when I am avoiding something that I believe will be difficult. It's my flight response. I'll get to a difficult item on my to-do list and my hand goes for my phone and I'll catch myself.  I can be intensely self critical so when I have to complete a task that will cause that side of me to flair up I avoid it.  I am a very driven person but when it comes to fight or flight. I chose to fly away into some distraction.  So as I work thru forming new habits I find myself recognizing when I am being avoidant and asking myself why then just finding small steps to do the task at hand. 

So, poem time! 

Learning to Float

I prefer flight to fight

When the present is tough I fly towards fantasy

fast forward to 

some future I want to see

I make steps but sometimes I fall

and fly away before asking why

I am learning to float

to soar on the moment

to be 

focused and wise

I realize that it's a process 

and with focus

i can sculpt 

find the beauty inside this lump of clay in front of me

I fantasize about the final product

and forget to let things take shape

i escape into my mind 

contemplate the divine

as a form of procrastination

songs come into formation

Sometimes I fight

Let my anger into the drivers seat

words flow out of me

with some new venom

not taking time to breathe

voicing all the things I believe

determined to win

to mask the uncomfortable within

With righteous argument

Taking sides in the right and wrong

But I am called back to the moment

I am called to float

I am called to what is here

present with my fear

I sit down and contemplate

the source of this anxiety

This shadow inside

Shine some light

aware of what makes me take flight

Day by day I learn to float

focus on the breathe

see what is in front of me

make small changes

i am arranging the present

no need to fast forward with flight

I float on today

on the light