As we sit in a pile of boxes

This last week I've been moving into a new place with the boyfriend. Posting today rather than my usual Sunday post due to lack of internet at the new place. Anyway, here it goes:

As we sit in a pile of boxes

Take all the pieces and put them back together

Reforming into new shapes and circumstances

New challenges rearranging

Tetris of life

Transforming and forming new configurations

Moving forward

The sensation of starting anew

We trudge thru

Settling into this new world

Tranquil

Foreign but home

It is said that the only thing constant is change

Yes we are constantly changing but there is a certain stillness

A Tranquility that is ever peaceful

As the world changes around me

I come back to the comfort of silence

The certainty of the heart

Breath in

Breath out

All that is is the moment

As the world shifts ever on

Seeds of Joy

I wrote a quick poem for the week. This is a combination of various ponderings of the week and then the sermon at church today was about spring. So here's what came out of that.

Seeds of Joy

It is my mission to plant seeds of joy

To nurture these seeds inside my heart

To help others find that seed inside themselves

To nurture the growth along the way

I look at life as an opportunity for growth

I look back at the more tumultuous moments and track

The steps along the way

The leaves that grew during that time

The flowers that bloom in the adverse weather

I feel the potential energy

As I grow new roots

That spread out and find new places to cling

I feel the potential change

The time to sprout

New buds are coming soon

Now is the time to feel the rain

To bask in the sunlight

As the seasons change

It’s the time

To begin again

Finding the seed of joy

Watering it

Feeling it take root

And start to sprout

Into the vibrant flower

It was always meant to be

In the garden of humanity

We can all plant seeds by watering our own

And nurturing the seeds in others

By sharing the stories we learn as we grow

As the sun shines our roots grow deeper

Connected in community

Bending in the wind together

Are you sure I can't sprint?

There's that classic quote from Lao Tzu "The Journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."  I'm at a point where I want to up the pace and maybe try to go at this journey at more of a sprint.  For the most part I tend to keep things at a reasonable pace but when I have a lot of things on my plate, I find myself overwhelmed by it all. I find a way to break things down into small steps, line up the to-do list, the "mental queue" that hangs over my head like I'm a Sim. I can bring order to the chaos but sometimes the chaos can get draining.

The root of my frustration is that frankly I feel like I'm still in my "pre-30-saturn-return-mental-board-meeting-of-the-soul(grief edition)" and that's been off and on for several months. I have a solid direction, new habits and goals lined up. I have awesome projects on the horizon. All that good stuff, but it's still a lot of change.

Meanwhile being a UU who practices Lent, as part of Lent I started taking a course on dailyom.com entitled "How to Communicate like a Buddhist."  The first week of the course focuses on being honest with oneself, acknowledging when we exaggerate or gossip, monitoring our negativity, all that good stuff. The course consists of a weekly audio lecture and then worksheets for everyday with morning meditations and stuff to look out for.

So the good news is, I am simultaneously finding all these patches of stress and anxiety in myself but also finding ways to sooth that out.

There was a quote that floated in my facebook feed the other day that said "anxiety is when you try to solve all the problems at once." That super resonated with me because that was my week. The moments when I panic the most are when I try to process my entire list of things before I've ben made my coffee. Really, I should know by now to not try to think to hard before coffee. =)

So I guess the lesson for myself this week is that yes the journey is composed of the small steps. It's about taking things a step at a time and focusing on the present moment. If you try to run too fast toward what you think is down the path, you'll soon have to stop and catch your breath anyway so it's better to keep at a steady pace. (Especially if the metaphorical runner is me. I don't run much).

Ash Wednesday and the Phoenix

In the spirit of Lent, I’ve been contemplating a mixture of Ash Wednesday language with the imagery of the phoenix. Last week when I was in Iowa, I went to the Ash Wednesday service with my dad. It was my first time at an Ash Wednesday mass since I was in high school. So it was my first time being mature enough to understand the meaning of all the language of mortality and pretty songs about rising from the ashes. Specifically, Ash Wednesday is a little heavy when your mother’s ashes are sitting on your mantel.  Just saying.

I’ve always been a fan of phoenix metaphors. In fact, for many years I’ve been in love with the image of a phoenix rising out of music notes-specifically the notes of the first song I wrote. If/ when I get a tattoo that’s what I would want.

I’ve always loved this image because I feel like I’ve been constantly “taking flight” then going back to the “ashes” of some crisis, reforming myself and coming out again. A lot of times music is the thing that helps call me back.  That’s another topic  altogether.

So I guess the comforting thing as I work thru my “pre-30-saturn-return-internal-board-meeting-of-the-soul” that has been this past year, I find comfort in reminding myself that this is not the first transitional period I’ve gone thru and it won’t be the last. There are many times in life to examine ourselves, fall to pieces a little bit, and then come back wiser and with a new pair of wings.  I’m just learning to fly and trust the wind.

Once again the bird

Born of the fire

soars again

New wings have formed

She learns how to use them

Taking flight

Trusting the wind

This is not the first time

She’s been transformed

It won’t be the last

But for now it’s time

To fly

Follow the current

See the beauty

Rise above

And love the world

As she sees it with new eyes

Once more